LONDON CALLING: WAY AYE MAGPIE

By Ryan Bonar
Nov 22nd, 2008

The Unicorn, The Griffin & The Winston Bogarde all examples of mythical beasts that don’t exist, however none of these are as rare as Chelsea playing at a respectable time on a Saturday but alas this eclipsical event will return to SW6 this very weekend when the Barcodes of Newcastle visit Stamford Bridge.

I decided that I would take a little jaunt over to www.nu-fc-forum.com and get a little insight not only into the forthcoming match, but also on what has been a merry-go-round season for our friends in the north.

So what can we say about Newcastle that hasn’t already been said? Are they a sleeping giant, damp squib or just a mediocre club with a normally buoyant and fanatical support? I will let you decide.

This season started off with rumours of optimism in Geordie Land but this optimism was soon drained when the volatile Kevin Keegan pulled the old school boy trick of picking up his ball and going home after a clash of opinion with Mike Ashley and none other than our very own Dennis Wise.

Keegan of course has a history of this type of thing so maybe it should not have come as such a surprise but even I would struggle to work under a replica wearing, pie scoffing, beer guzzling chairman who looks more like a retired darts player than a EPL Chairman.

So King Kev is gone and Pauper Kinnear has arrived bringing with him to every media event the Roger Mellie Profanisaurus. Straight into his first press conference like a Toon Army Foot Soldier the much maligned Kinnear fired of a tirade of dictational perfection that would have had Stephen Fry applauding.

Things have been up and down since he arrived, wins over a good Villa side but recent loses in The Derby have seen the fans rollercoaster continue.

So that is your brief insight into the Newcastle camp so let’s get down and have a look at what the fans have to say.

Most of the ambivalence of The Toon Army has all but gone and most fans expect to finish in the bottom half of the table with the odd fan thinking they may push a little bit further and maybe sneak Europe but it is common opinion  that this is as unlikely as Chelsea winning on penalties. The early season optimism has gone and it is indeed grim up north once again.

So surely you have to look at this game on paper and say that with Newcastle’s current predicament that there can be only one winner, or are there maybe a few players in the Newcastle side that could cause us problems?

The names of Jonas Gutierrez, Obafemi Martins and Michael Owen seem to be shining Northern Lights but naturally this is a group of fans looking for some light at the end of an engulfing tunnel.

When asked who they would like to cherry pick from the team at Chelsea there wasn’t one name that really stuck out as it was more a case of “who can we have?” Everyone from Drogba, Lampard, Anelka, Joe Cole and John Terry were on the Christmas List, but to be honest the one person they would have all liked involved in their club seems to be a certain Special One who seems to be missed by the Geordies.

Most of them have conceded though that contrary to popular belief the arrival of Scolari hasn’t made us more likeable but they are lost for superlatives when describing our new brand of football this season and after Gullit introduced them to Sexy Football they know what they are talking about…

Surely the problems at Newcastle are about to end? Surely the club that has been down more than Jordan’s underwear is about to turn the corner? It would appear that that this is not the case or maybe the fans have been stung by overconfidence before and thus want to avoid building up there aspirations.

Maybe Alan Shearer is the answer to Newcastle’s dilemma but again Tyneside thinks otherwise, most fans would hate their very own Special One to come into what could possibly be a sinking ship and sully his great career. One thing is for sure Kinnear is only a stop gap in the eyes of the fans but he is slowly but surely starting to get some respect.

So down to the all important score and other than the brave souls that are clinging onto fading optimism most fans believe Chelsea will walkover the top of Newcastle. Scores range from 5-0 to a modest 1-1 but one thing is for sure most fans will be expecting to drown their sorrows in copious amount of Brown Ale on the coach back to The Grim North.

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