Tuesday 21 May
Boys will be boys: a quick recap of all the stories going around that would be a national disgrace in the papers if Chelsea players were involved.
Pig’s head in a locker – Stoke City players unwound last week by putting a pig’s head in Kenwyne Jones’ locker.
Poo in changing room – Brighton have apologised after excrement on the dressing room floor welcomed Crystal Palace to the Amex Stadium last week.
Players on a roll – it seems a few Sunderland players celebrated their survival in the top flight with a boozy late night at a casino before they played Tottenham.
Like we said, if any of these incidents involved Ashley Cole or John Terry there would be calls for their immediate ban from football and long opinion pieces in The Times denouncing their character.
Clubs will be clubs: Stoke City have sacked Tony Pulis after all he has done for them. Getting them to and keeping them in the Premier League ain’t good enough for the board at Stoke they look in envy at the tippy-tappy going on at Swansea and Wigan wonder what might have been? Expect Stoke to plummet next season and Pulis to win promotion wherever he goes.
Broadcasters will be slavish morons: Sky and ESPN have to hang their heads in shame as the final tally for television money is published and reveals that 25 of Manchester United’s 38 league fixtures were televised. Only 16 Chelsea games were interesting enough for the cameras. No wonder people are staying away from the pubs if the first question is always: “who are Manchester United playing this week?”

Thursday 23 May
Uefa Women’s Champions League final
Wolfsburg 1:0 Lyon
All the money had been on Lyon but a penalty was enough for debutants Wolfsburg to lift the trophy. Stamford Bridge put on her glad rags for the occasion with a trophy presentation stand and a crowd of nearly 20,000 saw the action.

Friday 24 May
Manchester City 4:3 Chelsea
Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Andreas Christensen both made debuts and will both be proud of the way they performed against a strong City side. We did our best to entertain as we first allowed City almost complete domination of possession and then let them back from 0-3 down. Demba Ba opened things up when he was more committed to a cross than Joe Hart, Cesar Azpilicueta scored from the penalty spot, his first for the club, before Oscar rounded off the scoring just after half-time.
Healthy crowd and a bit of fun but all the players looked bushed.

The Championship’s young player of the month is Nathanial Chalobah. That might just make his season, if they win at Wembley on Monday.

Saturday 25 May
Arjen Robben and Bayern München finally won the European Cup after three shots in four years. Dortmund didn’t have the firepower on the night. It was a diverting game that might have become a classic in extra-time but Robben’s goal with only injury time to play sealed it at the death.
All it means is that we’ll play Bayern in the European Super Cup in Prague in August.

Sunday 26 May
Chelsea 3:5 Manchester City
Down in New York for this last Chelsea match of the season and another entertaining goal-fest. This time we had to try to recover from two down but goals from Ramires and a free-kick from Juan Mata were not quite enough. Andreas Christensen and Ruben Loftus-Cheek retained their place and did the academy proud.
Ruben can hold his head up particularly high after City occasionally forgot that this was an end of season friendly and snapped into tackles on the youngster who hobbled off before half-time.
Shortly after the game Ron Gourlay announced that we will return to the States in the summer as part of a multi-team tournament.

Spare a thought, again, for Benfica. They lead the Portuguese cup with ten minutes to go but contrived to lose 2-1 to Vitoria Guimaraes. The eagles were on for a treble a couple of weeks back but finish with nothing.