Thursday 1 January
Happ-e-Nu-Hic, as you disentangle the feather boa from the jock strap and swig from the can used as an ashtray, you can also contemplate the news that Patrick Bamford and Middlesbrough will spend the rest of the season together.
Patrick is the brightest of our loanees this season and will push for promotion again after his shot with Derby County last season.
Frank Lampard has extended his loan from New York to Manchester City until the end of the season. Uefa should investigate this underhand method of getting around financial fair play. Sign players with your overseas club and loan in highly experienced leaders for free and off your books with his wages paid in New York.

Costa scores against Tottenham Hotspur
Costa scores against Tottenham Hotspur

Tottenham Hotspur 5:3 Chelsea
No, not a cracker joke and you didn’t read it upside down. Whichever way up you hold it, this was a disastrous result.
Diego Costa fired us into the lead after Hazard had run Spurs round in circles and Oscar fired the ball back across goal. 0-1.
We should have had a penalty when Jan Vertonghen handled in the box. Obviously we are not allowed penalties and the pundits all agree with every decision so we must all be wrong. But it did look as if Vertonghen stopped the ball reaching a Chelsea player with his arm.
Spurs had started brightly but it looked as if only a miracle could get them back into the match. Harry Kane is having a season and when his blootered 20-yard effort flew in instead of wide you kind of knew something was against us. 1-1.
They then turned the match with a lucky rebound, 2-1 and a dive over Gary Cahill’s challenge – Spurs don’t have a reputation so do get penalties. 3-1.
Facing an uphill battle we managed goals back from Hazard and Terry but only after Kane and Chadli had put the host further ahead.
For almost a generation we have not known what it is like to trudge home having been beaten by Spurs. Let us hope this was a one off and normal service is restored soon.
With a weird turn of events John Terry’s goal ensured the only result that could leave us top simply on alphabetical order. Our results are identical with Manchester City’s. We have though played the tougher fixtures as City get to play sides in the bottom three at home very week.

Saturday 3 January
John Swift signed for Swindon Town until the end of the campaign as the League One promotion chasers have a couple away at the Africa Cup of Nations. John will be hoping or a better loan than he suffered at Rotherham where he clearly didn’t fit for whatever reason. We wish him well.
Alex Kiwomya also got a good loan at Barnsley under Danny Wilson. He already knows Ross Turnbull from his time with us, so we hope he and the Tykes have a successful end to the season.

Zouma scores against Watford
Zouma scores against Watford

Sunday 4 January
Chelsea 3:0 Watford
A strange game that finished with the usual FA Cup win over Watford. Those with long memories cherish Watford as opponents on our way to black and white glory with David Webb and all that in 1970.
This started as a real struggle as we tinkered with a formation to accommodate Didier Drogba and Loic Remy. We creaked through the first-half, Didier’s header the closest we came. Watford have been flying under Slavisa Jokanovic and started to create a few half-chances of their own.
With Hazard, Fábregas and Matic all away for the day Jose handed midfield duty to Mikel and Ramires and the pair started to fin rhythm in the second – Ramires started a few of his surging runs and from one the ball found its way to Diego Costa who found Willian on the edge of the box. The ease with which the Brazilian found the top corner was breathtaking. It appeared no effort at all to stroke the ball in from the edge of eth box. 1-0.
Substitute Costa looked in bristling and determined mood and his shot deflected to Remy to double the lead. 2-0. What had been a struggle suddenly looked a doddle as the effective and maturing Kurt Zouma headed in a late Azpilicueta cross to add a little gloss. 3-0.
Meanwhile in Spain, Atlético Madrid unveiled their new signing on loan from AC Milan as Fernando Torres returned home. 45,000 people packed into the ground just to welcome him home, No pressure there then.