Monday 25 May
Let the good times roll, when the joy and beer flow through you. The parade was even more joyous than normal. To say hello to league and league cup trophies to salute the youth team’s FA Youth cup and Uefa Youth League triumphs and to say goodbye to Didier Drogba.
If it moves, throw celery at it…
Sadly, while we were all at the party, Carlo Ancelotti was clearing his desk at the Bernabéu as Real Madrid rewarded his capture of their tenth European cup last season with the sack this. Some thanks for a man who was forced to incorporate whatever players the shortsighted board threw at the squad, rather than develop the team in his own way.
Rumours that Rafael Benitez is on his way suggests they are about to get what they deserve.
At Wembley, Norwich City started well as Middlesbrough stumbled early to hand a decisive two-goal lead to their opponents. Norwich, that cookery woman and the foppish Oscar Wilde look-a-like will all be gurning their way through another top-flight season.
Patrick Bamford was off the pace after a recent injury but Boro didn’t play the occasion.
Tuesday 26 May
Plenty of laughs at the awards dinner as Jose presented a slide show taking the mick out of those who finished behind us this season.
Eden Hazard picked up player and players’ player of the year. Kurt Zouma was young player of the year. Eniola Aluko was women’s player of the year. Dominic Solanke got the academy gong and Oscar walked off with goal of the season for his hit against QPR.
Richard Attenborough was honoured with a special recognition award presented to his son Michael on behalf of everyone at the club. It was a nice touch.
Wednesday 27 May
Over in Fifa-land, seven have been arrested on money laundering, racketeering and corruption charges and a criminal investigation is underway in the US into the process awarding the World Cup to Russia and Qatar.
In Fifa headquarters officials could be seen with their fingers in their ears constantly repeating the phrase “the election goes ahead as planned, the election goes ahead as planned, the election goes ahead as planned…”
Fifa’s racketeer in chief will be re-elected on Friday in a voting process overseen by North Korean returning officers.
“The indictment alleges corruption that is rampant, systemic and deep-rooted. It spans at least two generations of soccer officials who, as alleged, have abused their positions of trust to acquire millions of dollars in bribes and kickbacks” according to New York attorney general Loretta Lynch.
Fifa hit back that the Russian and Qatari tournaments would be unaffected – however corrupt the process. After all, they have already cashed the cheques.
The BBC reminded us of an anniversary that we missed: April 24 marked 100 years since our first FA Cup final. In 1915 we played Sheffield United at old Trafford and promptly lost 3-0. Both sides were heavily criticised for taking part as the First World War raged across the channel but the air of national hysteria meant anyone not in uniform could be spat at in the street.
Friday 29 May
Christian Atsu will be away at Bournemouth for the whole of next season. Eddy Howe’s side will be attractive and attack-minded but that is what we expected from his time at Everton this term and that was an almost complete flop.
Saturday 30 May
Thailand All-Stars 0:1 Chelsea
A very youthful side with Dominic Solanke, Jeremie Boga, and Izzy Brown all starting at the front, Charlie Colkett in the middle and Ola Aina at right-back.
It was Aina’s cross that Solanke buried with such conviction early on.
The second-half saw the player this crowd had come to see. Hazard’s every touch was greeted with gasps of anticipation but he couldn’t score from his best chance.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Charly Musonda took their chance to shine as both looked threatening.
At home Arsenal blew a poor Villa side away in the cup final. It was over as a contest almost before I started. The BBC will be so pleased they dedicated an entire day to watching one side freeze in the headlights.
In the German cup final Kevin De Bruyne and Andre Schürrle both picked up winner’s medals as Wolfsburg beat hapless Dortmund. De Bruyne scored a screamer that suggests we will be sorry we let him go, one day.