Well we always knew there was going to be a bit of whingeing. I mean, even when the breakup is amicable, nobody likes seeing their ex with another guy, especially if that guy is Diego Costa.

I imagine the Bloom/Beiber slapfight was much the same as the tussle between Jose and Arsene. Don’t get me wrong, “you would know if I really tried to push” is some nice tough talk, but it sounds a bit like he’s addressing a reluctant poo in a cubicle.

But let’s not dwell on it, it’s quite usual to see disgruntled fans boo a returning player (Frankie Lampard aside). In terrace terms, fans don’t swap sides, so neither should players. And yet in spite of this, no animosity came from Cesc after the game. Oh no, he’s too savvy to play that game. “I know now how difficult it was for players when I was on the other side” he said with a cheeky smile. Clever boy: Flattering enough to keep the moral highground; subtle enough to hint that Arsenal haven’t progressed in 3 years. (Wait, he wasn’t implying that? Fine then, but I can happily infer it, and really, when you’re down the pub, who knows the difference between imply and infer?)

Arsenal always seem to adopt the same tactics, buy the same kinds of player, and fall at the same hurdle. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an approach that is definitely good enough to come fourth in the Premier League, and to win the FA cup every eight years or so, so in those respects it’s great. But this is 2014. Does anyone really think Arsenal mount a credible title threat?

Actually, don’t answer that, because even if they did it wouldn’t be strong enough to upset the Chelsea title juggernaught. Sunday’s game was packed with the intensity, desire and dedication that is precisely what you need to win the title. Chelsea were quick to close down, relentless in their pursuit of the ball and never gave Arsenal space to think. In many ways they reminded me of Barcelona, but with Hazard making the mazey runs.

And a real testament to Jose’s management was seen in the fact that when Courtois was subbed off for concussion, we were able to call on Petr Cech, a goalkeeper who would walk into most starting line ups. I have to say I thought Cech would leave in the summer, a player of his ability deserves regular play. But Jose’s been bitten once, and with the same flattery and guile that secured Cesc’s signature, he convinced Petr to stay. Details like that will make the difference this season.

In other news, I was delighted to hear that Jeremy Clarkson’s car had been pelted with stones in southern Argentina, because he was acting like a tit.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind Clarkson, he is after all just a tit. If I were paid what’s he’s paid to drive expensive cars and develop elaborate similes then I’d be there faster than an angry wasp… that’s been accelerated inside the large hadron collider (yeah). But I’m a bit disappointed in his excuse: was it really a coincidence that Clarkson (not either of the other tits) was driving a Porsche with a goading number plate? Obviously not. His claim that this time they were “completely innocent” is harder to swallow than a scolding hot conker crumble… when you’ve got tonsillitis (double yeah!) The difference was that, unlike the racist bants he was caught for before, this time it wasn’t a viewer who spotted it, but the target of the joke. So they threw stones at his car. Fair enough I say, it’s a fair cop. Instead of childishly lying about it he should just admit when he’s been rumbled. Besides, let’s not pretend it won’t be a bigger ratings boost than if they had Jennifer Lawrence in their reasonably priced car… naked… being pelted by Argies with stones. (triple yeah! In my defence, there may be a vacancy soon).

And in the spirit of honesty and disclosure, let me say if I could get away with it, I’d throw a stone at Jeremy’s car. Because it’s funny. And I’m not trying to be subversive or anything, that is actually funny.

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