There’s something evocative about early January. The New Year resolutions, alcohol abstinence, dreary grey days… and the whirring of ‘copter blades over Cobham. You see it’s normally at this time of year that Roman likes to take off from his super-yacht Pelorus, land at Chelsea’s training ground and fire his not-so-super managers. Scolari, AVB… they’ve all heard the New Year ‘chut chut’ whir of the rotor blades followed by the acerbic lash of Roman’s tongue and the unzipping of his wallet.
This January, however, it’s all rather different. Roman will be staying on the Med and this winter’s chopper visit will be made by the Glazers to Man United’s Carrington Training Ground. There, cowering silently behind his desk will be manager of the moment, David Moyes. Once tipped to manage Chelsea, Roman must be rather glad he dodged that particular bullet.
Having broken almost every bad record there is to break at United in just nine short months, if Moyes had been managing Chelsea he’d already be sunning himself in Dubai and watching Sky Sports from a 70” inch plasma screen. That he is still the manager of United is more a testament to the embarrassment of the United board than anything else.
Which brings us to January 17th. 4pm to be precise. At the appointed time, Moyes’ bedraggled foot soldiers will be wearily treading onto the Stamford Bridge turf. Having lost more games than any Chelsea manager would ever dare, Moyes’ team will be meeting a Jose team full of confidence after the best Christmas in memory.
Whilst football has the ability to throw up ridiculous results, and I wouldn’t bet on Jose losing his Stamford Bridge record against this sorry United team, there is also the more likely possibility that Jose will seize the opportunity to finish off Moyes’ United misadventure in style. After all, in recent seasons, Jose has demonstrated his soft, human side and who could be better placed to put Moyes out of his misery?
Whatever the outcome, the view from many fans inside Gate 11, Matthew Harding Lower, is that United are probably at their lowest ebb for a few decades and this is the perfect time to put them to the sword. Rather than park the bus at 2-0, surely Jose must go for the jugular and add another winger and striker in a bid to ‘improve Chelsea’s goal difference’ (aka give United a five-nil thrashing as in 1999). He’ll certainly have our backing if he does.
If all goes to plan, perhaps the only thing left for us to sing is, “you’re getting sacked on the team bus”. It is, after all, a 4 hour drive to Manchester.