Monday 16 May
Brilliant. Just spectacularly brilliant – Manchester United planted their own bomb.
Well, they invited in some security ‘experts’ – and we use the word expert in inverted commas because they appear to have been little better than polytechnic students on a rag week – to run training exercises in bomb detection at Old Trafford last week. And the galumphing muppets left one of their phony bombs behind after the exercise.
How nobody put two and two together – er, we had a training exercise and then a few days later a bomb is discovered – suggests that Man U’s accountants were in charge of security because they have always managed to make two equal £520m. Don’t forget to check our recommended Online Sportsbetting experts.

Wednesday 18 May
John Terry has found his own solution to his dilemma by agreeing to the one-year deal offered last week. You can’t stand on the pitch and say you want to stay and then not put pen to paper. The dawning realisation that John’s career cannot go on forever means we will probably have a party for him this time next year.
Over in Switzerland and half of Liverpool found planes, trains and etc. to get themselves to Basel. It looked so promising as well as they lead at the half but pesky Valencia tipped in three after the break to, er, break Liverpool hearts.
It is a long way back from an expensive trip when you lose.

Thursday 19 May
Chelsea 0:2 Manchester City
Well, we created chances but City took theirs and the bounce hoped for after the FA Cup final didn’t happen. This is still a very good ladies squad and they will find a way back.
Over in Toulon and Lewis Baker scored the goal that saw a young England side beat Portugal 1-0. It might be the start of a summer without proper Chelsea football but we had four youngsters in Gareth Southgate’s XI.

Saturday 21 May
Crystal Palace narrowly failed to beat Manchester United to the ‘title’ of FA Cup holders. It was the usual dreary fare with tired legs and too few goalmouth incidents. United won it with a fluke volley near the death after referee Marchester Unitenburg had made dozens of mistakes in United’s favour. He did send one player off but strangely not Rooney who ploughed into challenges after his first yellow seemingly without sanction.
Unitenburg’s worst crime was to pull back two obvious goalscoring opportunities when he should have played on. Having denied Palace twice he failed to send himself off for professional misconduct.

Sunday 22 May
Jose Mourinho is going to be the next Manchester United manager as Salford’s largest football club reward Van Gaal’s FA Cup win with the boot.
It is just too Machiavellian to suggest that Jose got himself sacked so he could take over further North but we did have an unusually poor season and his chickens have roosted come home comfortably.

England 2:1 Turkey
Gary Cahill captained as an enterprising England side looked great going forward but unable to control midfield and shaky at the back. Well, actually our second goal was a bit of good fortune and our first offside so you could say Turkey were the better side.
We have said it before and will say it again – if you play 4-4-2 at international level you simply don’t have enough bodies in midfield to control the game and you will lose. Better sides than a modest Turkey will batter Roy’s England because he is so tactically inept.
And, yes, we are look forward to the Euros partly out of the enduring optimism that pleads inside our head that maybe, just maybe this time we are wrong and Rooney will be injured and Roy will play a version of 4-2-3-1 but more because we want to see how Antonio Conte does with a limited Italy squad.

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