It’s referendum day people, which I’m pretty sure means we’re allowed to take the afternoon off, go to the pub, drink culturally appropriate beer and deny being racist. (British Lager: in and out, innit?)

How about a traditional game of bingo? What could be more British? We enjoy playing bingo do you?

Now don’t worry, I’m not about to waste your time by getting political on you. There are much better ways to waste your time, and besides, I’ve been told (in the pub) that my views aren’t completely in line with convention anyway.

For one thing, I love a good recession: Last time round we got staycations (healthy and really convenient, if you’re cool with drizzle) and all those cash4gold ads. Of course, I don’t have any gold lying around my house, because I’m not a vulnerable old lady, but I like to be reminded that if I did, I could stick it in a bag and get cash. I see that as a warm comfort for my dying years.

But really, I like recessions for footballing reasons. Think about it, the last one served us pretty well: In 2008 we got to the final of the Champions League, then the recession really bit: we won the FA cup in 2009, 2010 and 2012, the Community Shield (it counts) in 2009, the Premier League in 2010 and of course our very first Champions League in 2012. If you look at it objectively, Chelsea did better out of the recession than anyone. So bring it on I say.

Juan Mata in action against Crystal Palace
Juan Mata in action against Crystal Palace

Also, while I freely admit to being a little bit racist, I’m actually quite libertarian. Sure, freedom to work across the EU has brought us Mou and Ancelotti and DiMat, and Gullit and Vialli and Zola, and Hasselbaink and Desailly and Frank the Beef, and Makalele and Cech and Robben and Duff and Drogba, and Hazard and Mata and Dave. Not to mention the legend that is Hong Kong De Goey. But who’s to say we couldn’t have outsourced the same roles to candidates from China, India and Canada? Also, what about giving English players a chance? I mean, in or out, surely as a nation we can all agree that it’d be nice for England to win something for a change? And I mean win it the old fashioned way, not using any of your EU multiculturalism that the French and the Germans use to win stuff.

Ah, the referendum, it’s a tricky question alright: old people want out, young people want in, but what if you’re in the middle? And what if you like kebabs? As far as I can see, Turkey aren’t in the EU but kebab shops are everywhere! Obviously I don’t get politics.

Anyway, one thing I do know is that if you want moaning rights in the pub at 11:45 today, and to your grandchildren in 2050, you have to vote first. And it’s drizzling, so you’re making a sacrifice.

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